Can We Go Back To How Things Were?
by UrFerb
Summary: What if Ed didn't "Kill" Oswald at the docks? What if he just let him go? Ed walks out of Oswald's life, leaving our favorite Bird heartbroken. While Oswald tries to cope, Edward does some soul searching and can't ignore the pull that Oswald still has on him. Can they pick up the pieces? Or is Ed too late? (Suicide is a topic in this story. Trigger warning,) OswaldxEd
1. Call Me Back

"Ed. I know you're upset but please, please come home. We can work this out."

 **Beep**

"Ed are you listening to me? I need to talk to you."

 **Beep**

"ED! This is important! You can't ignore me forever!

 **Beep**

"I'm sorry... Answer your phone. Call me back."

 **Beep**

"Edward I need you.. I'm so sorry for everyth-."

 **Message Deleted.**

Ed hung up his phone and tossed it on the bar in front of him. Grabbing his drink he took a sip and swirled the dark liquor around in the glass. It had been two weeks since he last saw Oswald. Dozens, maybe even hundreds of voicemails. After Ed left Oswald at the docks he vanished into the city, putting himself up in a hotel in his old neighborhood. He couldn't look at Oswald. Hearing his voice only made him sick. He deleted every message that was left and he didn't feel guilty about it. Ed let him live that day. He should've put a slug in his belly and drowned him, but he couldn't do it. The sadness, the broken expression on Oswald's face as Ed left him there in the cold and rain haunted him a little. They went their separate ways and Ed was okay with that. Letting Oswald live with the fact that Edward hated him was payback enough.

Isabella was in Ed's life for a short time but she meant the world world to him. Maybe for the wrong reasons but he had been blinded by his love and second chance he risked it all. Oswald was Ed's life before she showed up. Ed wouldn't lie he had been very confused these past couple weeks. So much going through his mind and he didn't know what to make of it. Everything had been turned upside down. He took another drink. He was surprised no one found him, stalked him, tied him up and threw him in a sack and dragged him back to the Penguin. Oswald was like a little child and not getting what he wants caused a tantrum. A few voicemails would be sweet and calm, then crying and begging and then the next would be yelling and threatening... And then apologetic and sad. He was so bipolar but Ed was impressed he hadn't sent someone out to kill him. It wouldn't be hard to find Ed, he did after all go back to his old stomping grounds. Oswald was a very selfish man so he wouldn't be surprised if he was in fact snatched up. However, so far no one stalked him and no one knocked on the door of his hotel room. He was left alone.

Edward finished his drink and pulled some bills out of his wallet and tossed them on the bar. Giving the bartender a good tip before he left. Stepping outside it was cold, he could see his breath in the night air as the wind blew around him. A soft rain bled from the sky which was typical for Gotham. Ed headed down the street, hands stuffed in his coat pockets and he kept his head down. He was after all a very familiar face in Gotham now. Everyone knew him because of his position as Chief of Staff for Oswald. A position he wasn't too proud of anymore. It was just hitting midnight and he heard the clock tower in the distance ring. It was kind of a beautiful sound but also pretty eerie. He crossed the street to his hotel and went inside. He flopped down on the edge of the bed and let out a frustrated sigh. What should he do now? Part of him was disgusted because it was like he was running away. He confronted Oswald. Almost killed him. Plus Os knew what he was feeling so business was done in his book. He told him goodbye that day... He was done.. So.. Why was he so confused?

"I did it because I love you." The words just kept swirling in his head. He couldn't block him out no matter how hard he tried. "Ed, I love you.. I know you know that now.." Ed tugged at his hair and snarled under his breath.

"If only he talked to me about it." He huffed and pulled the phone out of his pocket. He already had two new messages. He was very hesitant but he hit the button anyways. "Damn."

"Ed.. I can't express how sorry I am. I wish I could erase my feelings. I wish I could.. I don't know." Oswald's voice was low and you could hear just how depressed he was. It kinda made Ed feel a little tiny bit bad but at the same time sick. "I know you hate me. I'm sorry for everything.." The message ended and Ed deleted it like others.

"You were the best friend I ever had. I never wanted to lose you." There was a few muffled sniffles. "Don't forget what we were once. You can't forget.. I know you can't because it meant something to you too.."

It ended. "Urgh." Ed hung up his phone and debated calling back. "No! No. Don't call him. He's not really sorry he's just trying to trick you." Ed set his phone aside. "Don't do it."

* * *

Pushing himself up from his chair Oswald drug himself towards the stairs. Eyes puffy, hair a mess, he was a disheveled little bird. He hadn't really taken care of himself. He hadn't showered, he didn't smell amazing. He was living on tea and that was about it. Sleeves rolled up and his tie hanging loosely around his neck. His leg hurt as he barely made it to the stairs.

"Boss." Victor's voice echoed. "Let me go find him. We'll string him up by his ears."

"No." Oswald paused. "You're excused Victor."

"But.. Come on it'll make you feel better. It will take me ten minutes I'll know exactly where he is. I can go get him.."

"I said, you're EXCUSED." Oswald turned his head to look at him. Him and Victor shared looks before Penguin vanished up the stairs.

"Whatever you say." Victor arched an eyebrow, dismissing himself to the kitchen for some leftovers. He wasn't going to actually leave. Not leaving his boss alone because his defenses were down and it was Victor's job to keep an eye on things.

Oswald's uneven steps made their way down the hall. He looked at Ed's door and debated going inside. The past few nights he found himself wrapped up in the blankets on Ed's bed. Swimming in his scent as he tried to sleep. Hoping he would come home but he never did. He went through his closet, his hands brushing over the fabric of his expensive suits and shirts. Going into the bathroom, just the sight of his toothbrush caused Oswald to bubble with emotion. Tonight however he went into his own room to sulk.

Crossing his room he entered the master bath and leaned against the counter. Eyeing himself in the mirror almost not recognizing who he was. His eyes were red and his skin was blotchy from crying. It was pathetic. He was so pathetic. Here he was the Mayor, the King of Gotham and he was crying like a little girl. He's only ever loved one person and that was his Mother. Love was something he never thought would be in his life. It made people weak and that was something he couldn't be. He couldn't afford to be weakened. Yet here he was. He never thought Ed, the blubbering nerd he first met, someone he was NOT impressed by would be the one to destroy him.

His first love... Edward Nygma. A chuckle left his throat. Oh God how ridiculous! This was a joke! His laugh only grew louder as he slowly slumped down. Banging his head against the marble counter top. Bang. Bang. Bang. BANG. He started to see stars as he spun around and dropped heavily to the floor. Sitting with his legs out in front of him, he wiggled his feet. His leg hurt so damn bad. The pain shot up through the bone all the way to his hip. He winced. Not sure which pain was worse right now. He reached upward and blindly for the pain meds he had on the counter. Struggling to open the bottle due to the child proof caps and the weakness from being emotional didn't help.

"Damn it!" He shouted and winged the bottle across the room. Pills flew everywhere and scattered the tile floor. He brought his hands up to cover his face. A dry sob caught in his throat. "Why? Why? Why?" He mumbled slamming his fist down onto the floor. His hands were already bruised from putting his fist through the door downstairs when he finally managed to walk all the way home.

That was a cold and wet walk from the docks. He felt so guilty and upset with himself that he didn't think he deserved a ride. Despite being soaked from head to toe Oswald was still wearing the same outfit. His lack of motivation prevented him from changing his clothes. His soggy shoes left prints all over the house. He was frantic and frozen as he stormed around from room to room, despite Olga yelling at him to stop. Tossing in some curse words here and there that he actually could understand. He had little concern for anyone else at the moment and a huge tantrum took over.

"He left me!" He snapped at her. "He LEFT!" He kicked a chair out from under the dining room table and it crashed to the floor. "He left! He left! He left!" Oswald's shouting shook the house as he slammed his fists over and over on the table. Knocking over the candle sticks and the flowers that sat upon the surface. "I did everything for him!" The anger of the whole situation finally boiling in his chest as Olga rushed to steady the table. He stomped out of the room, he was chilled to the bone. "I created him! I gave him life!"

There was a loud crashed as he brushed all the dishes off the counter in the kitchen. Grabbing a glass he threw it across the room, shattering against the wall. He stormed down the hall and finally lashed out. He threw himself against the nearest door and then over and over slammed his fists against it. Keeping up his attack till the wood split and his hands went numb from the abuse. His hands flew to his hair, covering his head as finally a low cry left his throat. Olga listened to him cry, feeling bad for him. Oswald had been boasting about Ed and love for many days now. Obviously he's never had a relationship before. He would bounce back eventually.

Now here he was. Crying all over against. Falling over onto his side Oswald scooted himself across the floor. Reaching out he managed to grab a few of his fleeing pain meds. It was hard to take them without water but he choked them down. Oswald had lost everything. There wasn't anyone else for him now. It was just him. Everything was blurred. Even his power. It didn't matter anymore. Nothing mattered.

* * *

"It's voicemail. You know what to do." **Beep.**

"... Oswald... I.. I think maybe we should talk." Ed said softly. "I think we should have a final talk. Without weapons... Now it's my turn to say, call me back."

Ed closed his phone. Yep. He gave in. He couldn't help it. There was something eating him that was telling him that he needed to call him. He needed to at least know he was okay. He might have had closure but Oswald obviously didn't. He had a job to do. He was the Mayor and it was on the news he was missing from a fundraiser yesterday. Ed might not work for him anymore but Oswald had a job he had to do. He didn't want him to throw away his opportunities. It would be embarrassing towards himself as much as Oswald. Ed was a nice guy. It was a pain in the ass at times but he was nice. As much as he wanted Oswald to be destroyed the longer they stayed away from each other and he had time to think without any outside influence.. He just couldn't stand to see something happen to him. The others, that little witch, Barbra really wanted Ed to push over the edge and kill the Penguin. Ed couldn't bring himself to do that. He just couldn't. He didn't want anyone to hurt him or for him to hurt himself. Which led Ed to calling him. There was a plan that was sure to hatch at any given moment from those who wanted Oswald's power. Who were aware that he was weakened right now. He needed one of Ed's pep talks and that's what he was going to get.. and then Ed would close the door. Walk away... Yeah that's what he would do. He would walk away once and for all.


	2. You Are Alive Right?

**Ed shows up and is overwhelmed with memories of when things were better than good. Reminding him how close he and Oswald were.**

* * *

Edward banged on the door and rang the bell a few times. No one seemed to be answering at the moment. Sure it was late but Edward had that gut of a feeling that he needed to show up sooner rather than later. He couldn't sleep. He couldn't get comfortable. Tossing and turning he was driving himself crazy. He didn't know if it was the thought of this finally being over or the anxiety of not knowing how Oswald was right now. He hated to admit it yet again, he kinda worried about him. Oswald had been hurt so many times. He told him about his Mother and of course what happened to his Father. Edward remembered he also told him a story about a bird that he once had and that wasn't a happy ending story either. The poor guy had been through a lot and if you hung around Oswald you noticed just how alone he was. Even if he was in a room full of his thugs he was still alone. He didn't have any relationships, any friends. Perhaps that's why he was so drawn to Ed? Edward was the same way. He didn't have a lot of friends either. Or any for that matter. Even when he worked in the GCPD he was all alone despite being around dozens of people every day who depended on him, they didn't care. He was a joke. Made fun of. Constantly bullied. And then there was the whole Arkham thing... Anyways! Back on track.

Edward checked the door and surprisingly it was open. Unlocked.. free for him to walk in. Kind of strange but he took it and stepped inside. "Oswald?" He called. "Olga?" He shut the door behind and looked around a bit. "Oswald?" He rounded a corner towards the sitting room and ran into Olga who was raising a cast iron skillet. She started to yell at him in Russian. Ed raised his hands and backed up as she swung at him. "Hey! Stop!" Olga started to shout louder and swung again, practically chasing him back towards the entry way. Almost clocking him upside the head. "Stop! Aye! Cah-russ-key da stop!" Ed shouted in a poor attempt in her native tongue. "Oswald!"

"Hey!" Victor appeared from the shadows. "Lookie Lookie." He was amused as he smirked at Edward. "The one that got away."

"Where's Oswald?"

"Done with you. That's where he is."

"That's an action. Not a place." Ed stated. Hey maybe he really was done? Maybe he was better? Could Ed actually leave now and walk away?

"Go away nerd." Victor said with a bored tone. "We're done with you."

"..." Ed was recalling the calls he received just an hour ago. Didn't sound like Oswald was done... Maybe? Maybe it was okay? He was off the hook? Didn't have to talk to Oswald after all? "He's okay? Right?" Guard let down he was focusing on Victor when Olga swung her arm back and drove the skillet right into Ed's gut. The wind was knocked out of him and he dropped to his knees holding his stomach. "Ow." He coughed out as Victor laughed and winked at the woman. She spat down at Ed and made her way out of the room. "Okay.. Okay I may have deserved that."

"Now. Get out. Before I do some damage." Victor glared down at him. "Why are you even here?"

"I came to talk to Oswald." Ed said pushing himself up to his feet. "See if he was okay."

"A phone call might have been good enough."

"He didn't answer his phone." Ed snapped at him, starting to get really annoyed. "Can I just see him please?" Victor glared at him. "Please? He called me earlier and I just.. Let me see him." There was a pause. "Oswald!"

"He went to bed." Victor snapped. "Shut up. You have such a big mouth." Ed went to move by him and Victor caught him, putting a hand on his chest and shoving him back. "I'm not playing Nygma. Get out. I've been doing damage control for two weeks. If you think I'm going to just let you strut in here like some-."

"I came all this way and I'm not leaving till I see Oswald Cobblepot." Ed snapped at him. "So I'm going up those stairs and I'm going to see him. Shoot me if you want."

Victor was surprised that Ed finally grew a pair and stood up to him. He glared as Ed moved by him and headed up the stairs. Ed came all this way and he wasn't leaving just to turn around and come right back. All of this ended tonight. He would pop in see if Oswald was okay, talk and then leave. Leave. Yeah that's what he would do. Reaching the top of the stairs he made his way down the dark hallway. This house seemed to be getting all the more creepy with every step he took. Maybe he should stop and get some of his stuff as well before he left. He would smack some sense into Oswald, get him focused on HIM and then he would ta ta out of his life. Okay. Stick to your guns Ed.

With every step memories were flooded into his brain. His first night in this house. His first meal. His first shower. His first tour around these fancy halls. The stroll through the garden out back. The first time someone, Oswald, welcomed him home. It was home. It was more home to him than that apartment, more home than the GCPD.. It was home not because of location or how many rooms or the bed he slept in.. but the people here.. Because of Oswald. Ed would never live in a place this big and this nice, but that didn't matter to him. The big question was would he ever have someone like that in his life again?

A lot of Ed's anger bubbled not because of a broken heart do to the lovely Isabella getting murdered. It was the betrayal, the lies, the cover ups, the pain of trusting someone so much and letting them in only to have them be selfish and take advantage. To hide things. To lie to your face. Ed stopped in his tracks and brought his hand up to his forehead. Everything was spinning and out of control he didn't know if he could stand it. Maybe seeing Oswald isn't the best of ideas. Maybe he should just leave and let the little bird pick up his own pieces. Ed was set out to destroy Oswald. He wanted to take everything from him. His pride. His sanity. His reason for being. Wanted to show him that he had no idea what real, true love was and how he was not capable of feeling it. Was Ed so hell bent on showing Oswald that he wasn't capable of love or was he just trying to show himself, hide the fact that perhaps Oswald did in fact LOVE HIM. Maybe that scared him? Heck maybe he was just as crazy as Oswald was.

Continuing down the hall he finally stopped in front of the double doors that led into Oswald's room. He was so hesitant all of a sudden. Part of him hoped that Victor was in fact timing him and was going to come up and remove him.

* * *

"You have exquisite taste, Oswald." Ed beamed down at his friend. "Everything here screams Cobblepot."

"Stop, you flatter me." Oswald chuckled as he gave Ed a tour around the place. Even though Oswald didn't exactly, completely design this place. It was pretty much the same since he himself first came here. Of course there was little changes. "And this will be your private quarters, Mr. Nygma." He motioned towards the door, just down the hall from his own. "I hope you find it satisfactory."

"A dumpster would be satisfactory compared to Arkham." Ed said as he moved to open the door. It was a warm room. Oswald obviously knew all to well how cold and damp Arkham was, took it upon himself to make everything the exact opposite. Ed still couldn't get fully warm from his imprisonment. Still had a never ending chill running up and down his spine. He stepped inside and admired the fireplace in the corner that was in fact lit and it already was melting the cool from skin. To his right was a sitting area with shelves filled with every book you could even imagine. Pick a topic! Boom. There is was. Ed ran his and along their old leather spines and gazed out the rather large window in the back courtyard. It was beautiful. The wheels in Ed's head were turning with curiosity and excitement. A old marble chess set sat in the corner of the small study and you guessed it! More bookshelves. Ed finally turned his attention back to Oswald who quickly turned his head in the opposite direction. Obviously the shorter man was watching him, observing him while he wasn't looking. "You know that part in Beauty and the Beast when she is given the library?" Ed made his way back into the main room and paused. Okay that was the most teenage girl thing.. "Of course you're not like.. that's not what we are." He gave a chuckle causing Oswald to flash a quick smile. "I'm just.. Amazed I guess." Ed gazed down at him for a moment and brought a hand up to rest on Oswald's shoulder. "That was the most cheesy thing I could say. I'm sorry."

"Perhaps." Oswald smiled up at him before Ed slipped away to the other side of the room. "But I get it."

Ed roamed the walk in closet that was bigger than his cell in Arkham. Then moved on into the bathroom that was bigger than his entire apartment. The shower! Don't get him started on the bathtub. Finally! One that he could fit in! He had a huge dorky smile on his face. He was happy. Gosh was he having a moment right now. He brought his hands up to his face, covering his grin. Keep it together Edward. It's just a room. He turned his head towards the doorway he could sense Oswald still lingering. Why was he being so nice to him?

"Thank you." Ed said emerging from the bathroom. "This is too much."

"But you'll take it right?" Oswald asked with a small smirk.

"Oh I'll defiantly accept." Ed nodded firmly. There was a small pause as they just stared at each other. It was always interesting to Ed when he saw Oswald become shy. Shy was the word right? This King if you will. The King of Gotham. One of the most dangerous men in the city.. Maybe the world? Be so human. It was appealing really. "I want to thank you again. From the bottom of my heart for rescuing me. I couldn't ask for a better friend." Ed stepped closer and carefully wrapped his arms around Oswald's shoulders giving him a hug. Affection was something they both were lacking and what started out as a small hug suddenly meant the world to both of them. Ed rested his cheek against Oswald's temple and gave him a strong squeeze. After a few moments the Penguin relaxed and put his arms around him, finally returning the hug. They stood like that for a few minutes before both exhaled and slowly pulled away. "I wont tell anyone I promise."

"Good." Oswald said brushing his sleeve and giving the taller man a wink. "I have a image to maintain."

* * *

Ed smiled softly to himself at the fond memory. It was hard to imagine that just months later they would be where they are right now. "If only he knew how to handle things in an adult manner.." Instead of acting like a spoiled child half the time. "Not attractive."

He brought his hand up and knocked on the door gently at first and then more firm. No answer. Taking in a deep breath he pushed the door open slightly. "Oswald?" Silence. He stepped inside, leaving the door open slightly. "Oswald?" He stepped further into the darkened room. The fireplace had gone out leaving little red coals in the ash. The light from the bathroom was on allowing some sort of light to enter the dark cave. Ed felt this crunch under his shoe and noticed he was stepping on broken glass, and busted picture frames and who knows what else. His eyes adjusted enough to peer into the shadows of the room. He was glad the light was off. He didn't' want to see all the destruction that scattered the place. Obviously Oswald had been going on a two week long temper tantrum. Everything would have to be replaced. Moving further in he noticed Oswald's outline in the middle of his bed. Ed let out a deep sigh. Perhaps he was fast asleep and not waiting for him with a gun? You never knew.

"Oswald?" Ed said more firmly as he finally stopped at the foot of his bed. The little Mayor / Crime Boss / Life Ruiner was on his side, still in full attire, his arm draped over his head. Still no answer. Ed wasn't sure how he was even breathing without inhaling his pillow. "You are alive right?"

* * *

"Psst!" The hiss made it's way from the bedroom door. "Pssssst." No answer. Ed finally just shoved the door open. More comfortable with Oswald after a couple weeks of living together. Light from the hallway shined into the room before he closed the door behind him. The snap and pop of the fireplace reminding him of the snapping of bones and little hails of gun fire. Nice Ed. Wearing a white t-shirt and green flannel pants, in quick strides he was suddenly sitting on the edge of Oswald's bed. He knew Oswald suffered from a source of trauma so he was always delicate when it came to waking him up. He reached out and gently took his hand, giving it a squeeze and then a gentle shake. "Oswald." His voice was soft. His other hand reaching up to pet his disheveled head before turning the lamp on low. The soft dim light caused him to stir a little and finally his eyes popped open. "Hi." Ed tried to sound not so creepy.

"What... What is happening?" A confused Oswald looked up at him.

"Shh. It's okay. I wasn't watching you sleep or anything like that.. I was just.. I'm.. Nevermind. I got an idea."

"An idea?" He brought his free hand up and rubbed his eyes. He noticed Ed was still holding onto his other wing and raised an eyebrow. "Uh... What kind of an idea?"

"For your campaign!" Ed said proudly.

"Oh." Oswald let out a sigh of relief and sat up a little straighter. Ed slowly let go of Oswald's hand and shifted his eyes a little bit looking suddenly very embarrassed. To Oswald it was kind of appealing really. Oswald knew Ed himself, suffered from low self esteem and his own trust issues so, he put on his enthusiasm. "Okay! What is it?"

"You are going to love this." Ed said scooting closer to him and letting all the excitement spill into his words. Ed loved this. Having someone to share his ideas with. Someone to be excited with. Someone who wanted to hear him speak. Someone who wanted him to have a platform, a stage. Rather than telling him to shut up and deem him a weirdo. Hell Oswald even attempted to answer his riddles! He allowed him to ask riddles! No one did that! They spent the next hour and a half in discussion. Edward spoke and Oswald listened. Ed chuckled at Oswald's poor jokes and Oswald gave him his attention.

* * *

"Are we even?" Ed asked throwing his arms up and looking around the dark room. "I don't know if we are. You killed someone I loved. In return I destroyed your empire.. Your father is still resting in peace in some landfill. You're welcome." Ed shook his head. "I always believe in an eye for an eye, Oswald. I learned that from you. Someone puts one of our guys in the hospital we put two of theirs in morgue." There was a pause. "I need to walk away. I should walk away. I'm walking away!" His voice was getting louder and louder as he headed for the door, but stopped and turned. "But why can't I?! I can't! I can't walk away from this! I can't walk away from you and I." Ed stepped closer again. "I can't... I can't for the life of me figure out WHY. WHY am I still here? Why am I still dealing with this? Why are you in my thoughts? You're like this microscopic creature that has invaded my brain and you just wont get out." Ed paused to catch his breath. "And you're ignoring me." Rude. "I ask myself every second of every day if I should've just killed you. I replay it in my brain over and over and over."

"I wasn't sure why I even came here. Maybe the thought of you doing so poorly and being a hot mess was appealing and I wanted to see you hurting. Maybe I wanted you to ask me to stay?" He paused. "I don't regret letting you live anymore. I did but I don't. You're right. You're the only person that can see me for who I am... and for what I can become. I want to become that.." He sat down on the edge of Oswald's bed and looked down at him. "I don't blame you for not wanting to look at me.. Not wanting to engage in me right now. You let me down in many ways but... You also brought me up. I guess you actually did pass." He paused and reached out to put a hand on his shoulder. "Can we just go back to how things were?" Ed gave Oswald's arm a squeeze. "Oswald?" He pulled his arm away from his head and allowed it to drop limply. "Oswald?" He leaned closer and shook him. "Oswald." He rolled him onto his back, lacking any sort of life as the little bird just lay there. Ed leaned down to check for any sort of breath and there wasn't any.


	3. Wake Up

"And you saved me. Again." Ed smiled at Oswald. "I hope you know Oswald, I would do anything for you."

Time moved so slowly. Almost stopping. Oswald's heart swelling in his chest. He had a weird feeling, like a bunch of penguins fluttering around in his belly. After the loss of his family... and literally anything that meant anything, Oswald grabbed happiness where he could. He was portrayed as this insane, heartless creature when in _FACT_ he had more heart than anyone in this city. He wasn't heartless. He wished he was at times but he wasn't. The Penguin had more heart than any other villain in Gotham. He was capable of feeling. He was capable of loving. He was capable of hurting, breaking. Sure he has blood on his hands and he can't even remember the body count at this point. He was after all a fighter but also a lover. God he hated it though. He hated it so much. He would give and give. Protect and protect but everyone was taken away. His Mother, he would've died for her. He would've done anything he could but failed. His Father, again would do anything he could and failed. That was a strange situation but still... He didn't think he would find any sort of companionship after all of that. Oswald wasn't one to fall in love. Marriage and children weren't in his future like the typical male agenda. He didn't want that. Spending all this time with Ed these past months meant the world to him. Oswald felt that he could really trust him. Ed has proven to be faithful and he had Oswald's best interest at heart. They went through a lot together. Ed did after all save his life. In many ways.. Ed just wasn't fully aware of that fact yet.

Staring him in the eye all Oswald could think of was how lucky he was. How Ed just confirmed how much he cared about him. Was it love? Who the heck knew. All Oswald knew was that he never felt this before. This pull. This yearning. He did the only thing he could think of and sealed their friendship, their care and devotion with a strong hug. Wrapping his arms around Ed's shoulders he held him tightly. He was so scared that he was going to lose Ed tonight thanks to that stupid gorilla. It just proved his feelings towards the taller man. Once Ed slipped from his grasp and later when Oswald was in his room looking at a passed out Edward it hit him. He loved him. He loved him very much.

The realization scared him at first. Not sure how to accept these feelings. Not sure how Ed was going to react if he told him. Should he tell him? Oswald's eyes shifted towards Ed's sleeping figure. The poor fella was sound asleep, a small snore actually coming from his throat. They both had an intense evening. Oswald wasn't planning on letting Ed out of his sight for a second. Not after almost losing him. He gimped his way over to him and reached out carefully to removed his glasses and setting them on the nightstand. Dropping into the chair next to his bed, propping his leg up on the mattress. Getting comfortable as he held a book in one wing and gripped Ed's hand in the other. He stayed that way for hours. Shockingly very comfortable in this position. His eyes shifting towards Ed every other minute. When ever Ed moved or made a noise Oswald's eyes soon followed.

Once the fire went out and the sound of the book falling to the floor caused Oswald to jolt awake. His eyes skimming the room suddenly remembering where he was. Ed had rolled over, letting go of Oswald's hand by now and was still fast asleep. Rubbing his hands over his face to get the sleep out of his eyes, the Penguin stood. His back and leg a little stiff as he stood over Ed. Smiling softly to himself he leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to Ed's hair. Letting out a sigh he left the room and slowly made his way towards his own bedroom. Oswald vowed, right there as he dressed for bed he would make a decision by morning if he was going to talk to Ed about how he was feeling.

* * *

"No No No No No.." Ed repeated over and over as he reached for the lamp. He needed some light but of course the lamp was no longer there. It was smashed into many pieces all over the room. "Damn it." He gripped Oswald's shirt tightly and shook him. "Oswald!" He said loudly and smacked his face firmly. Quickly he pressed his ear to his chest to listen for a heartbeat. With his head turned he noticed the light in the bathroom. "Okay up we go." He grabbed Oswald under the arms and dragged him into the bathroom. Back flat on the floor Ed could see Oswald's eyes ever so slightly respond to the blinding bright light above them. Have you ever noticed that bathroom lights are like operating room bright? Ed happened to take notice of all the meds in Oswald's bathroom and how much of them were scattered all over the floor. Ed firmly rubbed his knuckles against Oswald's chest bone trying to get a sort of reaction. Nothing.

* * *

Oswald sat next to Ed as they were being driven to the school. Great. Children. Oswald wasn't looking forward to that. Both of them actually were dreading this tour. Mayor had to do what he had to do. Play nice. For now. Oswald sat there looking at the folder in his hand as Ed explained what all they had to do today. It seemed like a lot. Too much but this is what he signed on for right?

"I'm sorry we have to do all this." Oswald apologized to Ed. "I know it's a lot to chew."

"No worries." Ed shook his head. "I'm happy to help. Besides you think I'm going to let you go into this alone? I'm not that mean."

"Well with you by my side perhaps I can endure the torture."

They smiled at each other. Chuckling softly at their comments. Amusing each other with their darkened humor. Oswald kept glancing at Ed out of the corner of his eye. He had this speech he was wanting to give him. He wasn't sure when they would have another time alone. He chewed on his lip and turned his head. "Ed?" His voice was gentle and caught Edward's attention immediately. "Um, I was wanting to..." It was like all the words just choked. He couldn't form a sentence even if he wanted to right now. This was the third time it happened today and Edward was probably thinking something was wrong with him by now. "I wanted to tell you that uh..."

 **Awkward Pause.**

"Tell me what Oswald?"

 **Longer Awkward Pause.**

"Are you okay?"

"Yes! Yes I'm fine. I'm fine I assure you." Oswald let a nervous chuckle leave his throat. "I just wanted to.. I wanted to ask you something." Ed looked at him with a confused look. "Um."

"You can ask me anything." Ed said giving him a quick grin but suddenly he looked worried. "Did I say something?"

"What? No! No. Not at all. Ed you didn't do anything wrong." Oswald said quickly reassuring his friend. "No I just wanted to ask you something... Something.. very important..." There was another lingering silence. Say something soon you idiot because he's going to think you're nuts. "If you had to choose. Arkham? Or School?" FAIL.

"Arkham." Edward gave Oswald a smirk. "You?"

"Do you have to ask?" Oswald returned the smirk.

"Maybe we can carpool?" Ed gave him a chuckle and looked out the window. Leaving Oswald to stare at him and silently curse himself for failing yet again. Why was it so hard? It was always easy to talk to Ed.. Why was it suddenly so difficult? He would have to try again.. Unfortunately he wouldn't be given the chance.

* * *

"Okay. Okay you little..." Ed was starting to panic, but he had to keep a cool head. "Okay.. Respiratory failure.. Okay.." Tilting Oswald's head back ever so slightly he started to perform CPR. Remembering his training and how panicking will usually prevent you from saving their life. Pulling back he pressed his hands firmly on Penguin's chest. "I swear Oswald..." Ed repeated the steps a couple more times before he heard a deep gurgle sound in Oswald's throat. Ed jumped up and quickly turned the cold water on in the shower. "Okay little buddy.."

He grabbed Oswald and dragged him across the tile floor. "Penguins like the water right?" Ed was trying to keep a chill mind in all this. He had to keep talking because if he didn't he was met with silence. A silence he couldn't handle. One that would swallow him. Just as he pulled Oswald into the shower he heard a commotion in the room as Victor came in.

"What is all the noise up here?" He snapped stepping into the bathroom. "What the hell are you doing!?"

"Going for a swim." Ed sneered before yelling. "I'm saving his life!" Victor was scanning the scene as Ed dropped back against the shower wall. Sliding down to the tile floor with Oswald in his lap. The cold water poured down onto them chilling Ed to the bone. Oswald's back was to his chest as his arm remained tightly around him. Using his free hand to give him another firm smack.

"Looks like you're beating the crap outta him."

"Wake up." Ed hissed into Oswald's ear. "I need you to wake up. NOW. Oswald." Ed was shivering against his little bird. Yes. His little bird. "Ozzie." Ed's breath caught in his throat. He didn't know if it was from the cold or the emotion. What did he do? He did this! He did this to him. God why didn't he just answer his phone? Why didn't he just talk to him? This is on your hands Nygma. His inner voice was going wild as he held onto him. Ed's hands shook as he pressed his face against Oswald's feathery head. His vision was becoming blind due the water splashing his glasses. "If you die... I'm right here okay? Fight your mistake... Fight my mistake okay?" Ed's free hand ran over Oswald's chest. "This isn't how the Penguin is suppose to go." Ed hissed into his ear. "Hear me? Wake up. Wake the fuck up." Again all he heard was the sound of the shower.

It was like everything just stood still for Ed. Everything just paused and he realized how powerless he was. He didn't have the upper hand here. His mastermind capabilities weren't going to fix this. He was just Ed. Some guy clinging to who he thought was his new found enemy, hoping and praying his system would reboot. You know how they say you don't know what you got till it's gone? That's usually correct. We never know what we have till it's out of our reach. Till it's left us behind. Leaving us with never ending questions and constant curiosity. What are they doing? What are they thinking? Who are they with? However this situation was different. Oswald wasn't moving on and finding a new partner.. He was going to become a memory. Just a memory in Edward's mind. Something he couldn't reach out and touch. Something he couldn't see. He wouldn't see his face or his smug smirks. He wouldn't be able to hear his voice or his goofy little laugh. He wouldn't hear his uneven steps followed by the sound of his cane as he crossed a room or witness one of his tantrums. Ed would find himself sitting alone pondering over his work only to look up and see the news clippings and the photos and the video tapes. Photos. That's all he would have.

And memories.. Memories that would replay in his brain over and over till he couldn't do it again. He would eventually forget what his voice sounded like. What he smelled like. Maybe perhaps even what he looked like. Praying to witness one of those tantrums. Years would go on and on and on but he would never ever forget what he felt like. What he felt when he was with him. The care. The protection. The support. The love...

NO. No that wasn't going to happen. The water on his face masking his tears Ed pressed a kiss to Oswald's temple and whispered in his ear. "People in this city... GOTHAM will know WHO Barbara is if you die..." Yeah. Barbara will become SOMEONE if Penguin is out of the way. Someone bigger than what she was right now. They would know her name... And with that like magic Oswald gasped and let out a huge cough trying to catch his breath. He choked as his lungs took in a deep breath, bursting into a coughing fit. Ed's arms hugged the little bird before patting him on the back. "Thank you."


End file.
